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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22499266">A Saucy Afternoon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaniTheFUCKFatherBrown/pseuds/NaniTheFUCKFatherBrown'>NaniTheFUCKFatherBrown</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>No Fandom, Object and Concept Anthropomorphism, Sauce - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Frottage, M/M, Peeping Tom, Sex, Unrequited Lust, and i cant disappoint the people, but then petal and kimbi wanted me to do this, im sorry i know i promised this wouldnt happen again after i wrote the crisp fic, sauce</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:22:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>523</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22499266</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaniTheFUCKFatherBrown/pseuds/NaniTheFUCKFatherBrown</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>HP Sauce and Heinz Ketchup get it on while Hellman's watches.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>HP Sauce/Hellman's Mayonnaise, Heinz Ketchup/HP Sauce, Heinz Ketchup/Hellman's Mayonnaise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Saucy Afternoon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was not my idea to write.<br/>I promise some actually good fiction will come soon.<br/>I imagine the characters in this as well as the crisp fic are like Hetalia characters but sauce and crisp packets instead of countries.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>HP Sauce waited outside the office nervously. The Kraft-Heinz company had been the owner of HP’s company for years now, but never had HP been called to Heinz’s office like this before. He desperately tried to think of how he may have slighted Heinz in some way, but was unable to think of any examples where he had stepped out of line. Unless, maybe Heinz was mad about yesterday. Soon, he was called into the cold, foreboding office and with a nervous gulp, he entered.</p><p>“Ah, HP. I see you have received my invitation.” Heinz said, his rich German accent filling the large echoing office. “Please, take a seat.” HP put his briefcase down beside the chair and sat on the dusty mahogany and velvet chair before the grand desk. The desk was unusually large and sturdy, and in all honesty was probably too large to be fully utilised. HP pulled a handkerchief out of his breast pocket and dabbed the sweat off his brow. He wished Heinz would get to the point and fire him already. Heniz sat in his own seat, a much larger, much more well kept leather office chair, and reached under the desk. From the drawer in the desk he pulled out two wine glasses and a bottle. What? This was not what he expected. “Do you know why I called you in here, Süsser?” Heinz asked.<br/>
“Well, Governor, I presume it’s about me accidentally placing my hand on your thigh yesterday while we was having the luncheon together.” HP said nervously, cursing himself for his unprofessional sounding Cockney accent.<br/>
Heinz stopped pouring the wine. “Accidentally?” He asked.<br/>
“...Yeah…”<br/>
“Oh, well this makes things awkward. I was under the assumption you returned my feelings.”<br/>
For fucks sake, HP thought to himself.</p><p>Awkward silence permeated the room. “Ya know, Governor… It may not have been… entirely accidental.” The two of them did not need further instruction. They leapt into each other’s arms and began to kiss each other passionately as Heinz threw HP onto the overly large desk. With reckless abandon, they began to remove each other’s clothes, fuddling with buttons and zips until they were both completely exposed. Heinz climbed on top of HP, their members rubbing together in a way that made HP blush and moan as he lost control of himself. The pleasure was almost unbearable. Heinz grunted as he continued to thrust and rub his cock against HP’s. Almost as soon as it began, it was over. Both of them came, years of pent up lust for each other being released in almost a matter of minutes. As they both panted, coming down from the high of climax, they heard a creak from the window. Looking towards the source of the noise, they saw Hellman’s mayonnaise masturbating to their impromptu tryst. “Fuckin’ peeping tom!” HP yelled as he attempted to cover himself with Heinz’s discarded trousers. Heinz banged on the window with his fist, causing Hellmans to fall off the window ledge and into a bush. After the pervert was dealt with, Heinz shut his curtains properly and turned to HP. “Ready for another go?”</p>
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